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[07 Dec 2006|04:55am] |
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I seriously have never felt more hatred for myself than tonight.
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[05 Dec 2006|07:52pm] |
Imagine being forced to handcuff yourself to the person you hate the most, and having to deal with them 24/7. That's how I feel right now about myself.
It's depressive, but I hate myself.
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[02 Dec 2006|06:33am] |
Can somebody please introduce me to an extraordinary girl?
I'm a beaten man.
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[21 Nov 2006|06:05am] |
I'm cursed with the body type and looks that can/will only attract those who I find unattractive.
I'm shallow.
And lonely.
And becoming more emo everyday.
Take for example this diary format.
K.Bye.
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[06 Nov 2006|04:47am] |
No matter how many times I think i've gotten it off of my chest, it still sits there, reminding me everytime I see a couple affectionate to one another, that I'm alone. And have been alone for quite sometime. The last real relationship i had was with Jamie. If you could call that a relationship, it lasted a week or two. That was what, two years ago? I'm not a prud person, and in those two years I've been affectionate with a few people. I've made out, I've hooked up, whatever you'd like to call it. Sometimes it was different random persons, other's it was the same person. What they all had in common however is afterwards I'd be filled with this incredible feeling of self-loathing. Unfulfilled. What they had in common was there was no feeling of love, or real affection. Rather it was two people looking for a quick screw, and to feel good for a night.And it hurts me. I hurt me. You have no idea how weird it is for me to write that, because I would think that if I know it causes me more grief than pleasure in the end, I'd stop the random hookups. But when you've gone without love long enough, and watch others fall in and out of it, you can't help but wish for it. I'd love to break up with someone right now. Sounds horrible right? Not for me. Because breaking up would mean there was something. Something I've been craving, and deserving.
I don't like this entry. It's too real and non-sensical. It'll probably be deleted in a few hours.
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[11 Oct 2006|12:57am] |
So, haven't updated in forever.
Joined the gym. Go constantly. Hate cardio. Love weight lifting. Need to do cardio more then weight lifting. Don't want to.
I improved in gramar. C?
I'm thinking about shaving my head. Out of boredom. Not shaved. Maybe just really short.
I want to grow my hair out.
I'm torn.
I want a 4th tattoo. But I'd like if this one was the shared "symbol" me and everyone discussed about getting.
Brother is visiting later this week. Yay!
Fright Fest later this week! Yay!
I don't know if I spelt "fright" correctly...
I almost put "Freight Fest". Which would make it seem that it was an event filled with mass transporation of goods, by airplane, train, or boat.
I'm tired.
Night.
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[09 Aug 2006|12:34am] |
So what did I do today?
Bought an X-Box 360.
Went to the gym.
Went to Diana's for a pre-halloween, halloween party.
Went to NYWC to help set up/break in the new ring.
Since July 20th I've lost 28lbs.
Been going to the gym ALOT, and I love it.
Signed back up for wrestling school. Parents don't know. I'm pretty much being trained for free because I'm helping with the websites graphics, and also helping with other students acting, as well as giving ideas on storylines, etc, for NYWC.
That's pretty much it.
Peace.
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[09 Apr 2006|01:26am] |
It's one thirty in the morning. After everyone left my house tonight, i broke out the alcohol, and drank. Alone. Out of boredom. That's not good. With the alcohol came the depression, though really it only applified what I've been feeling for the last couple of weeks.
Ya know, it's very sad when browsing the entries of my livejournal I didn't delete. I've almost never updated while being truly happy. I've always got something to complain about. I do a lot of complaining. I guess I'm complaining about that.
But really, I've slowly come to the conclusion that I need someone special in my life. I need to date someone. it shouldn't be a requirment, but sadly it is. I look at all my friends who are in relationships. I see the little things. The moments that they think no one else can witness but them. The up-turned lips, the hidden winks, the cock'd eyebrows. I watch as two people become closer with one another while being across the room. I want that. I need that.
I've always been fond of cuddling. It's that closeness you feel with the person. I always have, and always will love to hate the feeling of my arm falling asleep because someone has fallen asleep on it. I always love the feeling of legs tangling together trying to get comfortable, and someone elses hair on my face and neck. I miss cuddling. Its something I havent been lucky to do in a while.
I dont think I can express enough in words how much I hate myself. Frankly, it's a little scary. I hate my body. I hate my CP. I hate my past. I hate my current. I hate that I'm never the boy people make sure is around. I hate that I'm never the boy the girls grab, and make jokes with.
I hate my jealously.
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[07 Sep 2005|08:05pm] |
So let's recap everyone shall we?
1) Business Math - It's math. Some cool people in the class. Teacher will def eventually get on my nerves. She's the overly nice, yet paranoid, OCD little blond girl we all know. Only, grown up. She probably played the flute as a child.
2) Geometry - Me and Jerry Robinson are the only seniors in the class! Way to suck a math! I see myself never saying a word in the class though.
3) Gym - Mr. Hughes, he matches, amazingly.
4) English - Second favorite class of the day no doubt!! The teacher Ms. Thomson is AMAZING! She's like 25, and the first thing out of her mouth was "I like movies. Mean Girls is my favorite. Anyone know any quotes?" Followed by "Do you want me to go to a halloween store and buy some? Or would you rather me bring in cardboard and you guys make your own swords for when we read Hamlet?" !!!!!! AMAZING! Christine is in that class with me, as is several people I havent talked to since 6th grade.
5) Symphonic Suckoir - Mrs. A looks like Carol Brady. She needs haircut. We have annoyingly large risers. That is all.
6) Criminal Justice - Should be alright. Mr. Antonucci is a little shady though. What I mean is he said something along the lines of "I didn't always teach. I use to have a job where I made a lot of money. I was loaded. Now I have to teach." Witness Protection much?!
7) Marine Studies - Lemke... Lemke... Lemke... youre so gay buy married with a child. He jumped on my desk.. I wasn't expecting it.
8) Broadcast Journalism - FAVORITE CLASS OF THE DAY NO DOUBT OMG TOTAL OWNAGE WHOOHOOO. EVERYONE! AND I MEAN EVERYONE IS IN THIS CLASS! ME, MIKEY, STEVE, JESS K, SAM, PAT, ASHLEY BOYD, ASHLEY GROSSMAN, PAT, PAT MENDOLA, KRISTA (though not really) LEE WEBBER, MATT BELLMONTE! EVERYONE! Before 8th there was a emergency exit due to some kid twisting a valve and causing the fire alarms to go off (don't ask.) Bottom line, Ramaswamy's reason for being late? "Sorry guys I was on fire."
Class wise. This year is looking pretty alright. Now we'll just have to wait to see with drama and how all of that goes down.
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[06 Sep 2005|12:23am] |
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Don’t worry. I won’t be put in to any type of situation that would make you feel uncomfortable, or unsafe. Really. If you felt that way you should’ve just told me. I’ll treat you the same way I treat the people I’m only acquainted with and not strong friends with. Especially if that’s the only way you’ll feel safe around me. Don’t worry. I don’t have to be feared any longer.
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[03 Sep 2005|03:49am] |
I'm not sure how I feel about this. Wes Craven is yet to sign on, and I don't want to see anyone else but him direct anything dealing with the Scream franchise. Neve Cambell is expected to sign on though, as is Courtney Cox and David Arquette.
:shrugs:
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[26 Aug 2005|01:49am] |
Today was fun. Tomorrow shall be fun. Saturday is my birthday. Things look pretty good for the future.
Expect lots of pics of looking ubber sexy from Rocky tomorrow night!!
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| I hate u Lollo |
[24 Aug 2005|12:58am] |
List 3 things that bug you - things that others may find trivial.
1. People who yawn while someone else is talking
2. Cob webs. I don't like them, period.
3. When people blink alot.
SET 2:
List 3 things that make chocolate even better.
1. Fondue
2. White
3. Strawberries
SET 3:
List 3 things you'd rather be doing than playing a game of LJ tag.
1. sleeping
2. cuddling
3. being on a date
I am taggin uh... Krista
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[19 Aug 2005|01:47am] |
Come see the reason why I should break away from musical theatre and stick to pure acting!
Come see Footloose, Aug 21, 22, 23. No, that's not a typo, the run is a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. The rest of the cast can sing and dance their little hearts out, and easily amaze. Me? I act. Lol. It's definitely a realization that has been made clear over the last few rehearsals. Sure, I can sing a note (sometimes), but it doesn't sound good when I do so. Meh, I told them I wasn't a singer. But, both Jason Allyn, and Terry have praised me on my acting skills so there ya go.
All the shows are at 7. I'm playing the Reverend by the way.
Alright, peace out.
( FOOTLOOSE! )
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[07 Aug 2005|10:48pm] |
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Know why I like working at Coldstone? Because they let me do crazy things to keep myself entertained. Tonight, I introduced "Coldstone Fear Factor" to the world. Some of the challenges including swallowing a bunch of cinnamon, and if the customer did so without grabbing the water bottle out of my hand, they'd win free icecream. This brought a 6'4", steroided up guy to tears. Another one was done to get rid of the left over wasabi icecream from last month. We just made people down medium sized cups of it in under a minute to get free icecream. It was a fun night. The best in my oppinion was when I came off of break and there were like 5 people in the store, and I was just like "Firstpersontoraisetheirhandwins!" and gave away a free mix in. It's a fun job. I'll probably do Coldstone Fear Factor again tomorrow, though we were trying to come up with a better name for it, maybe Coldstone Endurance, or something.
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[03 Aug 2005|12:14am] |
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Replaceable.
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[01 Aug 2005|01:10pm] |
So I wake up in the morning to find this
Cops have blocked off my street... Why?
Cops are talking with some woman. And not shown in the picture having a meeting in front of my house looking at stuff on a hood of a cop car. Just like the movies. Oh gee, are those assault rifles? Why. Yes they are.
At this point I'm thinking "Oh my God, someone escaped from jail and is in my house."
So I slowly walk outside, crouched, and immediately have half the suffolk police force scream "STAY INSIDE!"
Ten seconds later there's a cop at my door. He asks me if anyone else is home, I say no. He askes me my age, and my name. I give him both. He then informs me that there is a "suspect in the apartment complex up the road from you, with a gun. He is threatening to do himself, and others harm."
So now I'm like, this is cool. But I don't say that.
He asks me if I want his partner to stay with me, since no one is home, and I am a minor and all. I say no, because I actually want to watch this, not be forced to sit in my basement.
So they leave.
Then all hell breaks loose. They move in on the guy I guess, and Blue Point Rd becomes even more enforced.
Then I hear breaking glass, and loud pops. Not gunshots tho. And smoke raises in the air.
Then a single gun shot, and all the excitement just... ends. The cops lower their weapons, holster them. Through my open window I hear "suspect down". So I guess the guy is dead.
But this was a very exciting way to start my day!!
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